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Spring Cleaning

We had ants…

We hate them with a passion and Joey hates eating them in his sleep even more.

So today the exterminator came and since I was out last night, this morning I had to wake up early to completely clear our all the cabnets, drawers… basically everything. I ended with 4 large piles of crap. I put the cats in the back room that doesn’t have ants and went to my neighbors. I came back an hour later to the funky smell of bug spray and my 4 large piles untouched. Checked on the cats asleep in Joeys favorite chair and decided to start in the bed room. Pretty easy… Took me twenty minutes. Than it was time for a break and lunch.

When I started again, I hit the kitchen full force, ending with my china. I had to stop and think it was cool that me, at 19, has a full set of really awesome china. Too bad I don’t see reason for me to use it more.

I continued with my closets. I started full force again but than I came to what Joey calls “My Junk”. These are the things that I couldn’t manage to part ways with when I moved out on my own. Small random things that even though I dont see everyday, would cry if I lost them. Joey has a small stash as well but its only a matter of 4 or 5 things.

So I stopped. I needed to look and reminese about everything that I came across. Its like its all new to me.

First was my  large assortment of Lui’s (MY puppy I no longer have) toys. I have one of his jackets always out in the second bedroom but seeing my childhood stuffed animals that he partially ate, his leash(the 12th one) and his tennis ball just made me very sad that he wasn’t here.

Than came all my beauty and the beast stuff… I have always loved Beauty and the Beast. Its my comfort movie, the movie I feel I somehow relate to. Over the years, some people have given me things that I loved with Belle or the beast and it makes me feel over again that they care because I know they remembered that I love this movie. Kinda lame, I know

I have a small something special that each of my sisters gave me when I was younger and I become excited again. I have always loved my sisters more than anyone in the world so when they gave me these gifts when I was younger, I thought they were amazing. Now they might not be anything other than kid junk, but I remember it anyways. I could never get rid of it.

I come across my graduation stuff. Its so funny to think that it was only 3 years ago, but it seems like it could have been ten. Ilyssa and I were almost late because we needed to have our cap and gown embroidered I.N.K. I have my Dr. Suess book for Natalie, Oh The Placed You’ll Go. I can remember crying wi Natalie as she came running down the hall late after my speech. Just so happy she even made it for me. Than my diploma. The surprise of graduating a year early, after failing horribly the first two years. It was such an amazing time for me.

The last thing was a gold necklace I got when I was 16, and all I could think was that I need to give that back some day. Once again, I never believed it belonged to me. A struggle that I put myself in and came out on top of. Originally when I got it, I thought that I won’t ever wear it because it’s gold, but now, I know that it’s not ment for me. I should return it.

The last is my first pair of pumps. I wore them so much, they’re dangerous to put on. But oh how I loved them and loved to be in them. They were the best shoes in the world to me. They started to form who I was going to become. I know youre laughing, a pair of shoes formed me. But I know that the confidence I ever gained was because of them.

Oh man, its these assortmeant of items that tear down these walls I hold up and anyone near by could expose the inside of me. It makes me realize who I truly love, even if things aren’t so great. I become solemn and quiet and no longer want to clean. I want to take a nap or cry on Joeys chest. I just don’t understand why I get like this.

Well now, I have to actually finish my spring cleaning. I will turn my CD back on and dance my way through it as normal. All the special items are put away and I no longer I have to deal with that emotion. I can go back to normal.

For as cold as it is, I sure am sweating alot.

Miss USA


I am the type of girl that thinks that pagents are awsome. I would love to be Miss USA . Unfotunatly, I did not watch this past Sunday night. But, as always, there is no shortage on the media of it. The media covering this years is not about the gorgeous Miss USA herself, but the first runner up, Miss California.

Daily I check he celebrity gossip website, and that is where I first began to see the drama over Miss Cali and her answer to Judge #8 (perez hilton himself). Him being gay, he asked about gay marriage and if she thouht it should be legalized in all states.  She answered with her beliefs, that she thought of marriage soley between a man and a woman.

I feel 2 ways on her answer. I agree as a christian, God intended marriage only between a man and a woman and only hates the sin gay marriage creates. However, even though she was strong for standing by her belief, her answer put her 2nd and not title. She should have been more prepared for a question like that since Cali has a very large gay population and there was such large controversy over prop 8. Most answers that are normally given are more politically correct and less bias. She could have said that she believed that but also followed that each states population should make that decision based on their own beliefs.

She is not the first to be talked about so much for her answer and she wont be the last, however, only she cost herself the crown.

If I knew there was a gay man for a judge, I’d bias my answer a little bit  if I was going for a crown, but maybe thats just me.



For the  past 5 or 6 months, I take warm showers. And oh, they feel so good when its cold outside. However, When Im done, I rush to my towel, advoiding the breezing that comes in through the door and tries to attack my warm body.

But recently, it hasn’t been too cold, but now warm either.  So showers are just never at the right tempurature.

Well today is the day… I turned the AC on, went for a great bike ride with Joey and Nalick and than came home in dripping sweat to my cold house.

I got to take a cold shower, and it felt good!!!

and when I was finished, I stepped out to enjoy the freezing air swirling into my bathroom.

I loved it…. One of my favorite things about summer is just beginning



Its just a family thing…

every person always says that their baby is the most gorgeous, handsome, etc…

well… he is the cookest baby, the cutest baby, the best baby in the world….

Oh man I love matty

***PPT-Ilyssa…made of honor

I’ve known Ilyssa 6 years… well at least I did….


the date on the picture isnt correct… but this is when we became friends


This is 3 years later



and than 3 years later… she stood front and center to me getting married…


I met her when I was in the 9th grade… We had the same cooking class…

we really didn’t talk until one night, I was going to wait for my then crush at the football field and she was there waiting for her ex to finish football practice. I walked up to her and  and we started talking… That is not that common in high school to do, but that was the start of a very interesting relationship.

We had the same counsolor and she told us that individually we would be great amazing people, together, we were nothing but trouble. It was true.

We ditched class everyday pretty much. Going anywhere we wanted. Most often the beach and my house.

We went to school together, church together, almost anywhere….

We’ve cried together, laughed together, messed around together, and unfortunatly fought….

There was just something about us… we fought so much.

I tried to be the best friend to her, but like any woman, there were times that I just sucked.

We both left Van Nuys, she went to OFL and I went to Taft and when that didn’t work I went to OFL…

(OFL is an independant study school in which you only go to school twice a week for a hour each time.)

If you think about it, it was not a very smart move of our parents to send us to a school in which you don’t go to school, but hey, we wern’t gonna go anyways.

We did the same thing but we got jobs instead.

Work, beach or school. It all became habbit.We did well in this school. We got good grades and started college early. There we worked hard but would party harder.

We always managed to have more fun that would seem.

Prom came around and graduation followed. It was all a relief but sad.

For my 17th birthday that year, my mom took us to Rosarito Mexico, and even though it would have been more fun, we took advantage of our times…

In our small high school lives, we had gone through alot. Too much to go on about.

Sometimes its amazing that we even were friends because we were so different.

I can’t pin piont the things in which I loved her for. She was just this interesting package and worked with me well

until we would but heads…. than we would take a break.

I used to always say that I would marry the male version of her….

Than I met him.

Once I met Joey, we both changed. We just got out of high school and were walking into a future we nothing about.

Over a year went by before we talked again. My wedding was coming up and what was a large time in my life without her. I asked her to be my maid of honor like we used to plan.

When she came around, it was like old times, but it was obvious how we changed.

Joey is alot like her in his personality but also different. I had her and her male version and it was akward for me to find a good medium. Her and Joey did get along well, but the more they got along, we didn’t.

We talked alot after the wedding but after a while, the phones calls between us stopped.

Its interesting because I can go on her myspace any day and see how shes doing but I dont see me in her life anymore.

Im not saying we won’t talk again because I believe that we will, and I also believe we’ll take another break.

But she is somewhere that Im no where near and Im somewhere she’s no where near. For 6 years our lives were on the same path and now we are on completely different ones….

I always know that a best friend that is as close as we were won’t go very far.

It’s only a matter of miles before we pass again.

Easter Carne


and oh is it so good!!!!

This morning I invited my neighbors to church,,,,,

We came home and watched Passion of the Christ with them…..

And now next week they will come with us

= )

I live for God, not people.

We had a water fight later…. and sparked up the grill…

well wait…

we tried to,,,,

none of have ever used a small grill like that so it was interesting….

eventually we all ate and oh was it yummy…..

For dinner,  joey and I will celebrate one year of being married….

I get to bust out the china that I got and have used twice…

Oh and I tried on my wedding dress and it was big on me!!!!!!!!

Its a good day….

What a family I always seem to make….

What A Beautiful Morning

I can lie to you.

I can say that I was going over 40 miles an hour and decided to go down a dangerous hill. I went full force with excitement for the danger ahead. All of a sudden a wild turkey came out of the left and chased me as I was going down hill. I went for a rock ahead to use as a ramp and went flying in the air, loosing the turkey and landing in gravel still going down the hill. I started to loose my balance when I rubbed up against a large rock, regaining my balance but scarring up my arm. I got down to the bottom of the hill with grace as I went for a victory lap to wait for Joey and Jenn. They came walking down the hill, because they are smart and did not want to die. Joey slipped and let go of his bike and it came down the hill, crashing into me and hurting my pelvis real bad. All the mean while, it was a gorgeous morning. Not once did we ever suspect that it would rain an hour later.



Oh how pleasant it would be to say that was true….


It was suppost to rain today, I didn’t know that, neither did Jenn or Joey. So we planned to go biking on a trail we love but havn’t ventured since last September. We loaded up our bikes in Jenn’s jeep and headed down to the American River trails. Once we got there, we were suprised how empty it was but figured it was a Tuesday and left it alone. Covered in excitement to hit the trails, we pedaled off. The water looked amazing. We knew it was cold. The water comes from snow, it should be cold right.

The first mile and a half is all flat, then you come to a large hill which none of us could bike up. You pass a cave and go uphill a little more. I normally can’t make it up the hills but I managed to do more than I thought. Jenn and Joey always seem to concour the eye of the tiger*. Than you go down hill for a mile and oh my lord is it so much fun. Its not too steep but its enough to cruise for a mile. You splash through small streams that have erroaded the trail and make your way through the horse poop and rocks that cover the trail. Than again, you start uphill. And agian, I walk. Joey and Jenn walked with me, cause they can suck too sometimes. = )

While we made it to the top again, we noticed the gorgeous clear water. It is so clear. So beautiful. But so far.


Than again, down hill. Joey trails me to make sure Im okay. I normally always have my hand on the brake. I get to nervous with the force I feel going down hill. Jenn always is a dare devil and is gone and waits patiently once the path starts to go uphill again. Its so exhilarating! I feel like Im flying. I feel like Im completely in control while not that in control of where the trail goes.

We went passed the point we normally stop and went for another 3 quarter miles before turning around. We stopped at the place we normally stop at. Its a group of rocks right next to the water. There is a very strong current there but its so pretty. We all pulled over to feel the freezing water and it felt so good and so fresh. Putting your feet it (and your face if your joey and jenn) and just relaxing a moment is so nice. There is that calming feeling the sound of water makes in that area. You are literally standing water level  next to this dangerous area of the river. You could stand a few inched from the action in the water and be kinda safe (it all depends on your balance).


No wonder we always stop here.

So we decide to head back. Lets enjoy going down the hills we just climbed. Walk up, ride down. Oh, its just so much fun. Jenn almost hit a turkey, but I dont like wild turkeys… so Im okay if she did, but she didn’t and wasn’t injured.

I want to rewind to the day before when planning all this Joey told me he didn’t want to do the trails because he felt that someone (me) would fall and hit their head. And he felt it about me. So what did I do,,,, ignore him.

Okay. We went up, and down again and were going up one last time. We started down. I knew that the very first hill was coming up and I wanted to walk it because it was too steep and all gravel. Its just not safe to bike when your are inexperienced and don’t where a helmet. The cave passed by and I thought we had another small hill and flat before that hill, but I was wrong. Joey called out from behind me, “Im just gonna take it”. His seat had broken a mile back and he was standing so it made me so nervous. But while Im thinking of him, I start down this hill.

Please understand that this is a very large hill. VERY STEEP. This is not a joke of a hill. The last time I went down, I prayed to God the entire time that I would be safe and not die. My hands were holding on so tight that my hand hurt the rest of the day.

Okay, so I am breaking with all my might, but its not working. I see a dip in which I feel will flip me if I go over it and I decided I would take the matter into my own hands. Make myself fall off before it makes me. In 3 seconds ,I plan that I will jump off my bike from the back and push my bike forward and than cover my head. I scoot back and push with all my might a moment before the dip. I misjudge my tire and get stuck in between the tire and my seat. I slide forward stuck in my bike, pass the dip and fall to my right scraping my arm but covering my head. I slide a little more down the hill screaming “Joey” as loud as I can before I came to a complete stop. 2 old men who were walking behind us ran to my aid. I tried to get up but I was trapped in my bike. I was still stuck in between the seat and tire and my left leg was caught on the pedal. They got the bike off and I stood up. I could see from where I was that Joey and Jenn made it safely down the hill but  did not hear me and were waiting for me. I did not feel any pain and was thankful that I was okay. The rest of the people the 2 old men were with came and offered to clean up the blood dripping from my arm that I had not noticed. I declined and repeatedly thanked them for helping me but I felt I was okay. I picked up my bike and started to walk down this stupid hill. I made it to the bottom, about a hundred feet away from the other 2 when I went to get back on my bike. I lifted my leg when I felt the pain in my pelvis. Oh man did it hurt. I just continued to pedal on passed when Jenn noticed the blood and Joey was quick to speed up. He was feeling so guilty that I fell. He said he felt an instinct to go back for me but he ignored it. He predicted it and I ignored him. My head was safe but my pelvis was killing me and my arm was bleeding. We made it back to the car finishing our 8 or so miles. Loaded up and decided that In and Out would be my cure.

Now. I cleaned up my arm and it doesn’t hurt but my pelvis is in some extreme pain. Im glad I fell the way I did. Its my head or my pelvis  and Im sure I made the right choice. Joey would have probably been completly right if I didn’t attempt to fall off. All is okay, and I love that I have a story. It was all so fun. The sun was out with a beautiful breeze with not a cloud in sight and as crazy as it sounds, I would do it again.

Im just gonna remember when Im coming back, the cave is my signal to stop and walk….

= )

Its raining now…. I got my story in just in time…..


Ladies and Gentlemen….

Introducing my sister in law…


I asked her to be one of my bridesmaids from the get go. I have always had a good relationship with her since I first met her. To me she is a good person and has a beautiful soul. I love my sister-in-law, and I would hope she feels the same about me.

Joey danced with her to ‘Lady In Red’ at the wedding and they both cried. She is Joeys older sister and only sister. They have an akward connection that I know nothing about and will not attemp to explain.

I first met Vanessa around the same time I met Joey, I started playing softball on their team. She was straight forward but never a bitch.  I have never heard of her talking bad about me like I have about others and she has always treated me as a friend. Vanessa is the ideal sister-in-law to me.

Vanessa got married about  8 or so years ago and had twins, Jay and Nathaniel. 5 years later, she had Tristan. The relationship ended for a good reason, and as she is, she stayed strong. She is 29 and a VERY strong single mother. She loves her family. She would do anything in the world for them. Since I came along, she has accepted me and I honestly believe that if I needed her, she would have my back.

Recently, her first love past away, and I know it really hurt her… As it would any one.  But she is Vanessa and has stayed strong. She is amazing.

What I mainly admire about her is that she is so strong even when the walls are buckling in. She will never beat around the bush with you and she definatly isn’t afraid. She had the best 3 kids. I love them all so much.

I might not have all my facts completely straight but what I am 100 percent sure about is how amazing she is and her potential to be even more amazing.



My last post was January 28…

Sometimes life just takes you that long

The oppertunities you had, chances you took,

all go away.

And yes, it’s a good thing in some aspects…

and some things seem bad….

but end up okay.

Im not in school anymore but I have become an assistant manager in training.

I dont have a car anymore, but I’ve lost at least ten pounds.

Not as close to some people, but so much closer to those who God needs us to be close to.

and as much as I would like to say “I wish everything was better”

I dont want to. I am content.

God has put my heart in the spot I am in now  and there is nothing I want to do other than let life be what it wants to be.



It takes 28 minutes from the Auburn station to the roseville galeria…

28 minutes for me to think, imagine, and relax.

28 minutes that I take myself away. In my head, Joey and I are living in Monterey Bay, in a house right on the water. Natalie, Ty and Matty come visit all the time and we have a big ol dog… I drive a hummer and have a closet full of shoes. I cook dinner from skratch most nights and eat at the Cheesecake Factory any other. I ride my jet ski with Natalie to a little island (somewhere I dont know) and lay out and tan while we talk about what ever is on our mind.

For this 28 minutes, Its just me, joey, natalie….

I get to work and Im happy because I just spent 28 minutes with my 2 very best friends.




So now the oppertunities I once had dont matter any more, I got better ones…

The chances I had transformed to something else.

This is the part that lets me understand better that Im only 19.

I am not completely an adult and life is currently always changing. I am content with that.

This entire year I have spent my time trying to be 19 since I always felt 29, but I never was content that right now in my life I am young. I will not spend the next month and a half trying to 19, but content with being young.

I think Im thinking in circles.

But hey I got a lot to jot since

My last post was January 28….

Something that needs to go away!!!


It seems that its too cold outside.

Maybe for those of you who stay home or is not outside for more than the “running to the car trip”

would notcie that its too cold.

I remembered to thank God for it.

For some reason, God needed it to be cold today.

I didn’t need it to be cold so this is proof that the world does not revolve around me.

Its also like, I hate 85 degrees and higher. A good 70 to 84 degrees is okay with me, but the moment you go higher,

I become upset like I am not that I am outside.

I love the cold

but only when I am at home with the heater on and a big blacket.

maybe even joey cuddled up next to me.

I can see it cold in the windows and Im happy to be inside.


I must place some of the blame on myself as to why Im so cold.

Im not that big into a lot of thick layers

so I pay that consequence.

My fingers just typing this are starting to freeze up alittle.

Im just not digging the cold.

Not even the slightest bit.