We had ants…

We hate them with a passion and Joey hates eating them in his sleep even more.

So today the exterminator came and since I was out last night, this morning I had to wake up early to completely clear our all the cabnets, drawers… basically everything. I ended with 4 large piles of crap. I put the cats in the back room that doesn’t have ants and went to my neighbors. I came back an hour later to the funky smell of bug spray and my 4 large piles untouched. Checked on the cats asleep in Joeys favorite chair and decided to start in the bed room. Pretty easy… Took me twenty minutes. Than it was time for a break and lunch.

When I started again, I hit the kitchen full force, ending with my china. I had to stop and think it was cool that me, at 19, has a full set of really awesome china. Too bad I don’t see reason for me to use it more.

I continued with my closets. I started full force again but than I came to what Joey calls “My Junk”. These are the things that I couldn’t manage to part ways with when I moved out on my own. Small random things that even though I dont see everyday, would cry if I lost them. Joey has a small stash as well but its only a matter of 4 or 5 things.

So I stopped. I needed to look and reminese about everything that I came across. Its like its all new to me.

First was my  large assortment of Lui’s (MY puppy I no longer have) toys. I have one of his jackets always out in the second bedroom but seeing my childhood stuffed animals that he partially ate, his leash(the 12th one) and his tennis ball just made me very sad that he wasn’t here.

Than came all my beauty and the beast stuff… I have always loved Beauty and the Beast. Its my comfort movie, the movie I feel I somehow relate to. Over the years, some people have given me things that I loved with Belle or the beast and it makes me feel over again that they care because I know they remembered that I love this movie. Kinda lame, I know

I have a small something special that each of my sisters gave me when I was younger and I become excited again. I have always loved my sisters more than anyone in the world so when they gave me these gifts when I was younger, I thought they were amazing. Now they might not be anything other than kid junk, but I remember it anyways. I could never get rid of it.

I come across my graduation stuff. Its so funny to think that it was only 3 years ago, but it seems like it could have been ten. Ilyssa and I were almost late because we needed to have our cap and gown embroidered I.N.K. I have my Dr. Suess book for Natalie, Oh The Placed You’ll Go. I can remember crying wi Natalie as she came running down the hall late after my speech. Just so happy she even made it for me. Than my diploma. The surprise of graduating a year early, after failing horribly the first two years. It was such an amazing time for me.

The last thing was a gold necklace I got when I was 16, and all I could think was that I need to give that back some day. Once again, I never believed it belonged to me. A struggle that I put myself in and came out on top of. Originally when I got it, I thought that I won’t ever wear it because it’s gold, but now, I know that it’s not ment for me. I should return it.

The last is my first pair of pumps. I wore them so much, they’re dangerous to put on. But oh how I loved them and loved to be in them. They were the best shoes in the world to me. They started to form who I was going to become. I know youre laughing, a pair of shoes formed me. But I know that the confidence I ever gained was because of them.

Oh man, its these assortmeant of items that tear down these walls I hold up and anyone near by could expose the inside of me. It makes me realize who I truly love, even if things aren’t so great. I become solemn and quiet and no longer want to clean. I want to take a nap or cry on Joeys chest. I just don’t understand why I get like this.

Well now, I have to actually finish my spring cleaning. I will turn my CD back on and dance my way through it as normal. All the special items are put away and I no longer I have to deal with that emotion. I can go back to normal.

For as cold as it is, I sure am sweating alot.

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