hopeful journey

rarely will this ever happen in my household, but it currently is. We are (separately) watching an Obama speach.

He says something great that is going to change

“No American should go broke because he is sick”

the room stands up

sits down

“It is required for insurance to cover preventitive care like mamograms and colenoscopies”

Stand up

Sit down.

It started to look like a show. Like lets all pretend we like what’s happening… lets all wear really brights colors to get noticed, lets have rich snudy faces and show no expression while we sit down and stand up….

not that I don’t think what Obama is saying isn’t great, but this just doesn’t seem real.

I’m happy about this change.

“Lets build on what works and fix what doesn’t”

hey, I’m all for that, but just because Michelle is around does not give old women to dress in bright yellow and red.

But this I don’t understand, he says that insurance will become affordable for every american who doesn’t get it at work… well there is affordable insurance and I still can’t afford it BUT need it…. sorry, makes no sence.

now requiring it makes sense like covering auto insurance, but if you don’t make real money and live paycheck to paycheck like I do, you are now being forces to spend money you don’t have…

God help this… me

I spent a hour at the river again today and I was amazed my God’s Glory. That I might think that He made that river just for me so that I could enjoy it…

But first I need to tell you about Joey’s Love. Agape. And sometimes in an odd way.

It’s interesting to me to sit here in my room and listen to him cry out to his brother… His love for his brother that pushes him to express it and since he can’t get through to his brother, I feel that I can actually hear his heart breaking. I feel that I can hear him yelling out LOVE and it being shot down by young ignorance. Joey loves his brothers. He really loves his younger brother because he see’s so much in him. He see’s possibility and hope but right now it’s being thrown away. Joey wants an amazing life for his brother, he would give up everything he could ever get in life  for his brother to have a great life.

That’s whats killing him, the disrespect he gets while he’s giving agape.

I knew when I met Joey that his brothers were upset by Joey’s choice to be with me. I knew how angry his younger brother became at me when we moved up to Auburn(400 miles away). I could see his anger rage at me when we got married but I never let it bother me because I couldn’t.  I couldn’t fight his brother for something that natuarally happens in peoples lifes. I never ment to “steal” Joey but that’s how it was seen. I stole him.

I basically wanted to write about how Joey loves.  Agape. He loves so real and true to people. It kills him when things aren’t good for them and he can’t do anything to make it better. His brother might have thought Joey was yelling at him but I only heard Joey crying out to his brother to live the great life he has in front of him and not the bad one he’s trying to go down. Joey wants him to hear that love so he can know that Joey really loves him and really really wants him to succeed.

I felt something in me to write about this because when agape is presant, it’s powerful and touches me. I can feel it even though I am in another room. I can feel it in my stomach, an actual physical feeling. I get love from Joey everyday but I don’t hear Joey cry out everyday for someone to know he loves them. It’s amazing and I am so lucky to have a man of God that can agape and not just love on the surface.

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On to the Glory!

I used to go to church summer camp in middle school and high school and I would be on a “Jesus High”. Than come home and be back to spoiled brat ways.

It hit me last week, that high. I was down at the river, relaxing with my feet in the water, reading a christian novel. God was there. He was right next to me, in me, everywhere around me. I would have cried if I didn’t start to sing praise to Him.

Being down at the river, I can look at the water and see peace, than I realize it’s God wiping away all my sins when I ask of him. Pushing the past of regrets and bad memories with the tide and allowing me to start anew when I head back up the mountain.

I think that everyone relates with elements of the world( ya know, water, fire, air… that kind of stuff). I think I relate best to water. I become calm and think straight when I am at the beach or at the river/lake. I can talk easier with God when I am there and I think it helps that I don’t have distractions.

I went down again today and I swear it was like the river was there for me. Peace was there for me. God was there for me and willing to listen and forgive me for my stipid sins that I can’t seem to ever get away from.

It all just makes me happy. I have a great husband and a Father that really loves me and will always forgive me….

This horrible horrible woman is in jail today thank god and her baby is recovering healthy in a hospital…. or as healthy as it can get…

This mother of the year owned a pitbull that used to be a fighting dog. While she was asleep and the baby was awake in a cradle chair, the dog nibbled off the baby’s toes. The dog at the babies toes!!!!

The mother of the year claims she was asleep in the same room and never heard the baby cry…. ARE YOUR SERIOUS??????

and this is where it gets worst, she didn’t notice until the next morning that her child had NO TOES!!!!

oh this makes me so mad…. Im okay with pitbulls, rots, huge dogs in general, but not a dog that used to be a fighting dog or is aggressive….

Ugh!!!

thankfully she is being charged with a felony

 The first way for me to start my perfect morning is making a tall cup of coffee. The day isn’t sunny without it. Joey thinks that I should stop drinking coffee but thats like asking the pope to stop reading the bible. (I think the pope reads the bible)

I get comfy in the right corner of my sofa and turn on Sex and the City that recorded the night before and spend the next hour waking up. Natalie says  I should stop watching Sex and the City but thats like asking model to not wear high heels….

that one was dumb

but maybe its because Im not done watching Sex and the City yet. Im almost awake…

To be honest, I completely forgot about you. Im sorry. I normally use the wireless internet from my downstairs neighbors but they turned it off and I forgot.

Here is the perfect place to release everything that has been going on and I forgot. Im sorry again and lets never mention this… lol

So my mexican (Joey) has a new amazing  job at a great hotel and for the first time in my adult life I have actually been able to pay off all my current bills. Cable, electricity, rent, cell phones, the whole group at a zero balance. The relief is amazing! I don’t have to worry about what will be turned off or where am I going to get the money to pay the bill. I am so so ___________…. I don’t even know what word to use for this feeling.

Anyways, a new car is coming soon and this makes me relieved. No more walking around hill country.

Maybe Im the only one who has ever felt his way about bills…. am I?

Sometimes I feel like I’m on pause and everyone else is going. Like maybe Im on a treadmill and everything else has hit the ground running with out me.

Oh well I guess… right?

I do have an amazing husband who would do anything for me and a good support system.

times were changing in larens life. he was about to Move to the city and had always dreamed about it. he had an open and large mind and living in a small town just wasn’t the place for him. fashion was his passion. he loved Clothes. he used to sit in class daydreaming about his fashion line walking down the runway on gorgeous models as they walked on beat to Lady Gaga or Britney Spears. the only thing he had not yet mastered was Shoes. he now dreamed that moving to the city would bring the inspiration he needed to make a full line. 

it came time for him to pack. he didn’t have much but the kind of junk you collect while living with your parents. his main priority was to at least bring some of the small town with him so he wouldn’t miss it. laren walked into his sisters room to her Vanity. he took a seat as he scrumaged through the drawers for extra sewing neddles and other things he might be able to use while away. he came across a photo of him and her that she took with the Camra he gave her for her birthday. he saved up for months to buy it for her. Normally he would just give Giftcards but that year she was going off to college. he took the photo of them and another of his first Puppy he got when he was younger. a feeling of sadness came as he realized how much he missed her. they were best friends when they were younger and now they would be room mates. he had to grab a couple things that she had forgotten like an old yearbook and her Workout tape. he grabbed a Tootsie Roll that had been sitting there since she left and popped it in his mouth as he left her room to finish packing.

the time had come for him to kiss his mom good bye and catch his train. the only time he had been on the train was when he was going on Vacation with his mom, but this was nothing like it. as he was about to leave, he gave his mom a Jewerly Box with one piece of Jewerly in it. She broke out into tears and he immediatly rapped his arms around her for one last hug. the scent of her NYC Delicious Purfume never smelled better to him and breathed in one last breathe of it before letting go. he was already late for his train and did not want to miss it. the final whistle went off and he was 100 yards off. he grabbed up his luggage, accidentaly grabbing his mom’s Purse and running to the train. right behind him his mom followed yelling for him to stop. other patrons standing nearby started in after him as well thinking that he had stolen the purse. a large man came from the left and tackled him down. as they stood up, he was confused and his head hurt. his mom caught up to him and excused the man from her aid. she kissed her son one last time and took back her purse.

he was finally on the train. his heart racing from his sprint and tackle from moments prior. the attendant came from behind checking tickets. he reached into his pockets expecting it to be there. all he could feel was his Ipod and New Phone. the man stood impatiently waiting for him. larens heart had just about fallen through his stomach, thinking he had lost it when he found it in his back pocket. the snud face of the attendant punched the ticket and carried on passed him. he wished so much at the moment he owned a Car, he wouldn’t have had to deal with this. he had one hour to relax on the train until this entire journey would be over.

finally the train came to a stop and he could see his sister waiting for him. all he could notice was her new Tattoo. just than he realized that he hadn’t even started the journey, it was all about to start. so much was about to change.

Okay now, I know the grammer sucks…. but can you guess whats on my mind today that I was trying to say without saying it…. good luck with your guess….

lol

So it’s old news that Chris Brown beat up his ex girlfriend Rhianna…. about a month ago for the first time I heard this song and liked the beat so I didn’t change the station. All of a sudden “Chris brown should get his ass kicked”

I so agree…. I love that someone made a song about it. I know this is something that happens all over the world to many women, but i know that celebrities get away with it more so I think its good that he is being made an example of… The band that made this song is  The Jump Smokers. I have neer heard of them before but thats ok because I like the song.   I might not agree with all the words but hey more power to them for actually having the guts to voice there opinion straight out rather than hide it behind a different beat. I also just found out that they are giving their iTunes proceeds from this song to empowering women’s organizations. Pretty cool

Want to hear?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_00lyb72MfY&feature=player_embedded

We had ants…

We hate them with a passion and Joey hates eating them in his sleep even more.

So today the exterminator came and since I was out last night, this morning I had to wake up early to completely clear our all the cabnets, drawers… basically everything. I ended with 4 large piles of crap. I put the cats in the back room that doesn’t have ants and went to my neighbors. I came back an hour later to the funky smell of bug spray and my 4 large piles untouched. Checked on the cats asleep in Joeys favorite chair and decided to start in the bed room. Pretty easy… Took me twenty minutes. Than it was time for a break and lunch.

When I started again, I hit the kitchen full force, ending with my china. I had to stop and think it was cool that me, at 19, has a full set of really awesome china. Too bad I don’t see reason for me to use it more.

I continued with my closets. I started full force again but than I came to what Joey calls “My Junk”. These are the things that I couldn’t manage to part ways with when I moved out on my own. Small random things that even though I dont see everyday, would cry if I lost them. Joey has a small stash as well but its only a matter of 4 or 5 things.

So I stopped. I needed to look and reminese about everything that I came across. Its like its all new to me.

First was my  large assortment of Lui’s (MY puppy I no longer have) toys. I have one of his jackets always out in the second bedroom but seeing my childhood stuffed animals that he partially ate, his leash(the 12th one) and his tennis ball just made me very sad that he wasn’t here.

Than came all my beauty and the beast stuff… I have always loved Beauty and the Beast. Its my comfort movie, the movie I feel I somehow relate to. Over the years, some people have given me things that I loved with Belle or the beast and it makes me feel over again that they care because I know they remembered that I love this movie. Kinda lame, I know

I have a small something special that each of my sisters gave me when I was younger and I become excited again. I have always loved my sisters more than anyone in the world so when they gave me these gifts when I was younger, I thought they were amazing. Now they might not be anything other than kid junk, but I remember it anyways. I could never get rid of it.

I come across my graduation stuff. Its so funny to think that it was only 3 years ago, but it seems like it could have been ten. Ilyssa and I were almost late because we needed to have our cap and gown embroidered I.N.K. I have my Dr. Suess book for Natalie, Oh The Placed You’ll Go. I can remember crying wi Natalie as she came running down the hall late after my speech. Just so happy she even made it for me. Than my diploma. The surprise of graduating a year early, after failing horribly the first two years. It was such an amazing time for me.

The last thing was a gold necklace I got when I was 16, and all I could think was that I need to give that back some day. Once again, I never believed it belonged to me. A struggle that I put myself in and came out on top of. Originally when I got it, I thought that I won’t ever wear it because it’s gold, but now, I know that it’s not ment for me. I should return it.

The last is my first pair of pumps. I wore them so much, they’re dangerous to put on. But oh how I loved them and loved to be in them. They were the best shoes in the world to me. They started to form who I was going to become. I know youre laughing, a pair of shoes formed me. But I know that the confidence I ever gained was because of them.

Oh man, its these assortmeant of items that tear down these walls I hold up and anyone near by could expose the inside of me. It makes me realize who I truly love, even if things aren’t so great. I become solemn and quiet and no longer want to clean. I want to take a nap or cry on Joeys chest. I just don’t understand why I get like this.

Well now, I have to actually finish my spring cleaning. I will turn my CD back on and dance my way through it as normal. All the special items are put away and I no longer I have to deal with that emotion. I can go back to normal.

For as cold as it is, I sure am sweating alot.

I am the type of girl that thinks that pagents are awsome. I would love to be Miss USA . Unfotunatly, I did not watch this past Sunday night. But, as always, there is no shortage on the media of it. The media covering this years is not about the gorgeous Miss USA herself, but the first runner up, Miss California.

Daily I check he celebrity gossip website perezhilton.com, and that is where I first began to see the drama over Miss Cali and her answer to Judge #8 (perez hilton himself). Him being gay, he asked about gay marriage and if she thouht it should be legalized in all states.  She answered with her beliefs, that she thought of marriage soley between a man and a woman.

I feel 2 ways on her answer. I agree as a christian, God intended marriage only between a man and a woman and only hates the sin gay marriage creates. However, even though she was strong for standing by her belief, her answer put her 2nd and not title. She should have been more prepared for a question like that since Cali has a very large gay population and there was such large controversy over prop 8. Most answers that are normally given are more politically correct and less bias. She could have said that she believed that but also followed that each states population should make that decision based on their own beliefs.

She is not the first to be talked about so much for her answer and she wont be the last, however, only she cost herself the crown.

If I knew there was a gay man for a judge, I’d bias my answer a little bit  if I was going for a crown, but maybe thats just me.