hopeful journey

and this in general is not really always a good thing.

I never liked the word parents with the S. I never had parents. I had a mom and then somewhere a dad. So randomly today I had a thought about parents with the S.

Joey and I just about have the same situation with our parents but very different in small ways. So when I thought about this, it was something that applied to both of us.

I realized that maybe for the first time, we have parents with an S and more than 2.

We have parents that are new, grown within the last 3 years. We have parents that we adopt and parents that adopt us. Now most of the time, when you become an adult, you no longer care about parents and see other adults as just other adults.

I think it was just in us that we knew that certain vitals were never taught and that we still needed to learn and follow other men and women that seemed like good parents. We mimic what looks right and can learn from what seems wrong. We have started to learn a different type of love that we didn’t know, and with that came the “whether you like it(s) or not(s)”.

And we learned (in a non odd way), that men do love their children and do love us. That other than our Perfect Father above, there are men here that love us and it’s so foreign.

Okay, so my point. In realizing that we were having parents who were other peoples parents, do they see their parents like we saw our parents?

Ya know (and try to follow me here) because what I didn’t learn from my parents I wouldn’t expect someone else to learn from them. So if a someone came along and learned that my parents even though I didn’t, was I just closed off or is that someone just that messed up too?

But with the kids of the parents we adopt, do the kids think that we are stealing or so they think that we are just as messed up too? Do the children of the great adopted parents we have, appreciate their parents like we do, or is it just something in children to reject parents?

I admit, I rejected a lot and learned only what benefited me at the time. I was (am) spoiled and selfish and thought (think) I knew it all. So if I was being grounded for something or in trouble for something, I didn’t pay any attention to the lesson or any meaning of it all. The only mistakes that I think I learned from are the ones that I had to really personally suffer from. Not the ones that I got in trouble for from my mom.

Now I’m married, now I’m thinking about children and how I want to raise them. Now I need to learn and so does Joey. Often am I realizing another mother or father figure that I’m pulling from. I know that I have not much to offer them and they might not realize that they have anything to offer me but I’m pulling from what I’m seeing works. I pray I’m like the couples that are still together and like the mother that had a real relationship with her kids. I see it in so many people and I respect and appreciate them like a child would a parent.

I’m mumbling on and on. So this is what I think about the true colors part. You must recognize the colors and if they aren’t bleeding through to you, find colors that will.

I come from a dysfunctional family, and so does Joey. So now we are trying, with all our power not to carry on the dysfunction. I’m sorry to our family if it seems like we aren’t happy, because truly, we are. We love the way our family’s are but we know that the way the world is, it almost seems okay that our family’s are torn apart. It’s not and I want a rock solid family, strong in faith and agape love. I want my kids to really know all their aunts and uncles. I want my kids to never know what it’s like to grow up without a dad. And so we love our family, but we are in the situation to pull from other sources.

I’m sitting here, watching Joey be around a father he never had. I’m watching his eyes light up like a childs and I’m seeing him record every moment in his head so he doesn’t forget the feeling. I love this. I love that this moment might effect how Joey is with our future children. I love also knowing that I had this moment too today. A moment when I got to just be, and be accepted and loved as I ate popcorn and relaxed on her side. I’m just excited overall that God had given us amazing parents and that I can be so blessed to have so many.

P.S. now if only they would know that I’m family and send over the cupcake recipes… ; )

Normally, when I wake up, hearing SportsCenter is the worst thing to hear. I hate it, I get grumpy even more and then yell at Joey to change it.

Well for the first time this morning, I woke up and while getting my coffee, Joey had SportsCenter on. And get this, I was listening and paying attention to what these men were talking about. Almost shocked in my head to hear that the steelers sucked now.

It hit me what I was doing when I walked over to watch. The normal mess of men running around on a field made sence to me. I could see where the Steelers were messing up and what they should be doing.

This isn’t right.

I was never into football. I married into it. I have no choice to what team because “I’m already a Niner fan”. I used to watch the games and just get lost in what was going on because none of it ever made any sence to me. It was a whole 2 years of confused watching before my sister Natalie finally explained it in a way that made sence.  Apparently a whole other 2 years to understand and/or care in the slightest about what was going on.

Here’s a good example. The first year I was with Joey, he made me watch the draft. I spent time trying to decide who I would date. It was the start of the draft boyfriend. That year was Brady Quinn. The 23rd pick to some team somewhere in the north. Now this past year, I was waiting to hear who we (niners) got. I did choose a draft boyfriend who was the last pick in the first round, Michael Ohre. But I knew I didn’t want certain teams to get better players, or the players we should have.

I don’t do this with basketball or baseball. I really could care less but somehow football is growing. This year, I’ve noticed how my family is into it. Each person is into the team they live closest to and so there is about 4 teams we are all against. Niners must beat the Cardinals, GreenBay, Raiders, and New Orleans.

I can’t explain much else and can’t really explain the game but I think I’m going over to the dark side.

this is all you get for christmas

Once upon a time, in a land all the way in Los Angeles. There lived a mexican who never ever went to a dentist or doctor for any reason for I don’t know what reason. His mom never took him so he never went. Than one day, after meeting his future wife, half of one of his teeth fell out and he was in bad pain. A couple months later, the same tooth on the opposite side did the same thing. Because he had no dental insurance and him mom never took him as a child, his tooth looked something like this when it was pulled out this morning…

I don’t mean to gross anyone out but honestly, it looked pretty similar. This stupid tooth has put my mexican in so much pain I hated it with everything in me. It is the one part of him that I didn’t love. I rejoiced to see it go.

So here’s the real story. I finally found a way for him to go. We were suppose to go last Wednesday but as you read, I had Christmas desserts. So we were set for yesterday and Joey popped out some stupid excuse as to why he couldn’t and so we didn’t. But I don’t give up that easily on what I believe NEEDs to be done. So we were set this morning.

He asked me about 100 times not to go. He isn’t fond of doctors or dentist. He can only relate bad things to them from past family experiences so I understand but don’t really care to let that be a good excuse.

Erin was going to go with us, she used to work for a dentist and it calmed Joey with her knowledge. I was late to get her because Joey procrastinated at every opportunity he saw. The drive was long and the suspense built as we drove to the dentist. We got there and I filled out all the piles of paperwork.  We constantly lied to Joey telling him that if doesn’t hurt at all. That you are so numb you don’t even notice. After an hour more, they finally called in the mexican. I don’t remember how long the wait was because we found so many things to laugh at. A guy names Matthew insisted on being called Macho, We got Will Smiths Getting Jiggy Wit It stuck in our head from the TV we didn’t realize we were listening too, and we waited for a better parking spot because parking in Sac sucks.

He finally came out for a moment before he went back to get rid of the bastards. We got the whole room to ourselves. Random people made us laugh by their rudeness and magazines kept us occupied. At one point we heard a loud scream and giggled but it wasn’t my manly man.

Once he came out, oy vey. As you can already imagine, he couldn’t talk well and him mouth was stuffed with gauze pads. I went to pick up the prescription while he just kept trying to say I’m gonna kick you both in the ass. We drove the half of the way home trying to disifer was he was trying to say and the other half with him asleep like a child in the back seat. My amazing mexican survived the dentist.

It was another first in his and our life again. Not one that I’m happy to be apart of though, but glad I could. It was a big day in our house. I’ve made soup for him and drugged him up. Now he’s napping and isn’t in as much pain. I’ll keep drugging him for another day and giving him sweet kisses on his huge cheeks, but the best is that those teeth that brought so much pain are now gone.

Now that I’m the lady taking care of him, I’ll never let it happen again. However, I have a good story for kids when they don’t want to take of your teeth.

Joey hated it all but loved the way it ended.

I had been waiting anxiously for this Christmas Desserts since August. Something my church has been doing the past 12 years in the beginning of December. What I love to do, what pulses my heart and I literally dream about… planning and organizing big events.

I love planning and organizing. I love crunching time to get something done and trying to have the end product be perfect. I even love being so busy that I forget to eat or sit down. Granted I don’t love it so much when I’m hungry and my feet are killing me late at night ; ).

The crunch started last Sunday, calling all the volunteers and getting them preped for the weekend coming. Praise the Lord that so many people decided to help. I was blessed with 2 men who were new to the church, Ron and David. Both retired and willing to give me their whole weekend. They worked so hard for me and for the Lord. I could not say thank you enough.

I also had the pleasure of working with Shayla and Lisa. No way could the weekend have been so perfect without them. Lisa was my coffee and kitchen nazi. Never once were we short on hot coffee. Praise the Lord. Shayla was in charge of our youth volunteers. She kept them calm and occupied. She gave them all specific tasks and kept them working. We defiantly used up all our volunteers’ potential and they were all willing to give it all to us.  Shayla even introduced the concept of walkie talkies so we could do more without all the running about. Praise the Lord.

We started on Wednesday setting and preping. Thursday was our test day even though we had a show. I asked all the volunteers to be there at 3 for the 6pm show and from their hard work, we had an hour to kill. So Friday, I had them all come an hour late, and we had 45 minutes to spare. We all worked so hard that every show we had time to spare.

Even in the biggest crunch.

Sunday was the day of all the days. 14 hours of a constant going. It only took 9 people to remind me to eat. ; )

After 2nd service, I had 2 hours to tear down and set up. 4 hours of work in 2.  The performers, my volunteers and the church pulled together and 25 minutes later, I was just about done. Granted a tray of coffee cups were dropped but hey, that I can say was honestly the worst thing to have happened all weekend. I had volunteers who carried out my OCD and helped make perfection.

The way I see it, you’re paying $16 for a seat. Thats 2 desserts, decaf coffee and a great show.  For that $16, I will make sure that every fork is in the place I want it and not a single crumb is on your plate. A little crazy but it all looks wonderful when the doors open.

Than after the first show, I had one hour and twenty minutes to do 3 hours of work and all the thanks again to the performers and my volunteers, I had 42 minutes of down time within that hour and twenty to be shocked and dazed that we were done and set to open the doors. It was amazing. Lisa and I could not believe it. Sunday was Perfect; Every table, all the volunteers, the show and the feeling I had all day long.

I was tired when I got home last night at 10 but almost sad that it was over. Not once did I want it to be over, I just wanted to be enveloped by it all and I still had more in me.

I admit, there were times when I was frustrated but it was only a bump. My strength around me kept my head on straight. Joey was a phone call away to share his smile, Erin was beside me to allow me to vent,  Aunt Barb was always encouraging, and RockStar was always close by.

I had a wonderful weekend, simply wonderful…

…and all I wanted was to sleep in on Monday.

I knew I had to take Joey into work at 6am but I had every intention to sleep for the rest of the morning.

That all went out the window when Joey comes running and yelling

 ”KAT!!!! KAT!!!!”

My mexican from Los Angeles was so excited that 7 inches of snow was laying so delicately on the road. I was dead tired but Joey didn’t have to go to work so we stood in the cold staring at it.

At no point during the weekend did I get to spend any time with Joey but I got the whole day to be with my hubby. I slept until 7:30 but woke up with coffee and layering sweats. We walked down the streets, holding hands enjoying the snow and chill.

We packed up some extra clothes and headed to Erin’s to have snow fights with the kids and a great morning with Erin and Harold. After being jumped on by Jojo Beans a good dozen times and the sun came out, we headed home and I finally got to sleep in with my mexican. With the heater warming the house, I snuggled with Joey and slept for 4 hours. Even better was the fact that the snow had NOT melted and it was great outside. We ordered some mexican and cozied on the sofa. My perfect day ending a great week(end).

I wouldn’t change a thing.

I hope that you don’t think this is too vain. Posting a christmas list as a blog and all, but this way, it’s out there and I don’t have to think about it. 

Kathryn’s

coffee maker

twilight saga books

iPod (or just plain ol MP3)

cute purse(as if I would ask for an ugly one)lol

Joey’s

All white Kswiss (size10)

or All white Addidas

video games:(xbox 360)

modern warfare 2 call of duty

dj hero

fifa soccer 2010

Ncaa football 2010

godfather 2

the garcia’s

video camera

clothes  (via gift card)

gas card

so as I wrote this out, I tried to remember what we asked for last year and what we actually got last year. I don’t remember a lot other than it was the first time I got a gas card (from my sis) and it was so perfect. Gotta love the simplicity.

Now obviously, we dont NEED anything. I know the economy has effected everyone and have no expectations. We just love the holiday times and together this will be our forth, 2nd with a tree!!! The quality of our christmas is not determined by the stuff under it.

i get that.

just one moment.

no cleaning

no argueing

no joking

no planning

no deciding

just

be silent

listen

no one around

be grateful im not sick or homeless

.

i can if i want,

stand up and dance

*drive to the river

do bible study (which Im behind on,,, opps)

take a nap

call old friends

.

With nothing to stress over this moment,

Im free

completely and totally

free

.

my energy isn’t low but not bouncing.

.

so I think for this free moment

I will lay here and listen to my random thought and the (christmas)music in my house.

but in a couple of moments, I need to get on my bible study before tomorrows group….

K; )

I need your help.

This weird little toy is a My Pet Monster

This was Joey’s favorite toy as a kid. Handcuffs and all.

I know, weird. Or at least weird from my perspective.

He really wants one. Really really. I can find them online but I not someone to order from the internet. too many bad experience

If you have one, or seen it at Target or something, let me know. Help me out. I would love to see my mexican with this random toy.

My Pet Monster

 Every season its something different.Summer was a beach chair, a book, and small lunch down my the river for an hour or two.Right now it’s sitting in candle light with the heat of the lap top on my legs and music choice on the tvMy tv provider Wave has a set of channels of strictly music. I put it to channel 902 and surf. Eventually I end up just laying down not even on the internet, just like the heat of it.Than songs that I like/love come on and all my attention is to me singing (and sometimes dancing) to that song, than rewinding my TV and singing it another 8 or 9 times.So right now, I finished cleaning and Joeys over somewhere watching sports, candles are on, im on the internet and I cant stop singing Fallin by alicia keys.

And lord know I can’t sing it like her, but I damn sure try

I love my hair. I finally have it at a length I love. However I despratly need a trim.

I can never just do a trim so Im opening up a deal to who ever takes me seriously.

If you pay for a nice salon visit, I will do what ever you want me to do to it

EXCEPT for bald or short short.

Anything you want. Any color, and style.

Shoot your idea, I’ll post pictures if anyone takes me seriously….