hopeful journey

It seems that its too cold outside.

Maybe for those of you who stay home or is not outside for more than the “running to the car trip”

would notcie that its too cold.

I remembered to thank God for it.

For some reason, God needed it to be cold today.

I didn’t need it to be cold so this is proof that the world does not revolve around me.

Its also like, I hate 85 degrees and higher. A good 70 to 84 degrees is okay with me, but the moment you go higher,

I become upset like I am not that I am outside.

I love the cold

but only when I am at home with the heater on and a big blacket.

maybe even joey cuddled up next to me.

I can see it cold in the windows and Im happy to be inside.

However

I must place some of the blame on myself as to why Im so cold.

Im not that big into a lot of thick layers

so I pay that consequence.

My fingers just typing this are starting to freeze up alittle.

Im just not digging the cold.

Not even the slightest bit.

I was in class yesterday, business 20 (intro to business) and I finally bought my books. My teacher starts to go on and on about nothing important. I decided that I should look through my book to see what I have ahead of me to study. I am a learing about in class and this particular chapter about having business overseas and communication. I notice that there is a blue box and decided to read it. Pepsi wanted to advirtise in Japan with the slogan “Pepsi, Be Alive”  and it translated to “Pepsi brings your ancestors back from the dead”

Now, I am normally very good with keeping my cool and not drawing too much attention in class but I was laughing so hard under my breath I started to loose my breath.

Like an idiot, I read another.

some chicken retuaraunt wanted to advirtise in Spain “It takes a strong man to make tender chicken” which again translated to… “it takes an arroused man to make a chicken affectionate”

I could not stop laughing. My face Im sure was bright pink

and again, I read another

KFC wanted to advirtise in Japan their Finger Lickin Good slogan, however it translated to “bite your fingers off”

I was laughing so hard I had to walk out of class. Everyone was staring at me and I could not control myself. Thinking about it would make it worst. I was almost peeing on myself.

I tried to think of depressing things. Death suicide, killing kittens….

hopefully it will make me sad and calm down however…

thinking death made me think of ancestors and pepsi and Im back to uncontrolable laughing.

There were about 6 of those in the book and I finished reading them later but dang,

nothing sucks like electrolux

I was at school when I get to say I saw history. As everyone says, we witnessed history, a large change in the text books.

~I had this thought. We are “suppost” to no longer judge on the color of our skin, so what does it matter that our new president is black? I know that we are not what we say we are. We all racially judge, even if only slightly. Thats my thought. What do you think?

Anyways, I was in the cafetiria when it was on and got to watch, I really had no idea my school was showing it, but as I watched, I started to jot down my feelings. I figure, its history, I mind as well remember this.

“

Today is an interesting day for me. Today is the first inauguration of a black president. It’s a big day in history. A day that I will remember when I read my kids history books. Being who I am, I am very interested in what Michelle Obama is wearing. A gold 3 piece suit. High waist belt. Very chick, form fitting. Simple necklace hangs where her straight hair ends. This is one day to dress your best. Millions of pictures of her will be taken. The next thing I notice, Bush is taking his final walk out the halls, it’s about damn time. I have never been a true fan of his. I always thought he was an idiot. There are too many statements that he has made that prove he is. Too many issues arose wile he was in office that could have been avoided. However, not many people could handle being president, so he does get the respect. There are not many strong men in our society any more to handle obligation like this. Most cannot even handle the obligation of a child. Next appearing on the screen is Obama. Obama walks out with a scared shitless look on his face. It could be the look of pride, either way, those two could kill. Obviously I am excited. Excited for him, that a black man can take that walk. There are too many places where that can’t happen. The entire mall is crowded with people. Miles surrounding. Everyone wants part in this history. As I sit in the cafeteria at Sierra College, the room slowly starts to fill with more and more students who want to witness this or have to because of class. Either way, we are. As a school, we sit and watch on a projector screen the reactions and awaits the moment when we have a black president. Obama gets announced as president elect and the room echo’s a small applause. In his life, this has to be the biggest day in his life. Getting married, having a child, none can compare to what is happing today in his life. His name will always be written in the books. Other presidents that have only made a small dent will be forgotten, only remembered because of a history assignment. No matter what, “Obama” will always ring louder than others. What’s interesting is that one of the US’s biggest enemies is Osama Bin Ladin. Many have made that comparison between names. It is truly nothing, however, you never know when God is sending a sign. The pastor from a church I once sat in on came and prayed over the president. It seemed very “show-ie”. Very long, very in detailed of nothing. Aretha Franklin followed with a patriotic song. The tie is good, have a African American singer who struggled long ago with racism sign at such an important day. Reports on the Entertainment news report that this is the most “star-studded” inauguration in history. Many celebrities really latched on to Obama, more than before, they wanted to push change and how strong we are as a country. One thing I have to admit, I am not the person to normally be interested in any of this. I don’t get the pride most people do.  I don’t feel the emotion others do. I believe that its just the way my emotions are built. I guess that means I’m self centered. I don’t clap for things, I don’t care, I know though that this is something that is big and I should record the event. Obama is up to be sworn in and forgets what he is suppose to say. A small laugh comes up from his chest and he finishes repeating the guy who is speaking to him. He is congratulated as president and the cafeteria fills up with uproars of applause. On the screen you see the canons exploding and people dancing. The first words of the 44^th president are “Thank You, My fellow citizens, I stand here today, humbled… grateful… and mindful…” Its final now, we have our first African American president. As of 9:08a.m. January 20, 2009 it’s a new time. If he actually accomplishes one thing he promised, he will be a successful president. One thing, so small and so far away. I can only imagine the energy that is flowing around the capital. So many excited that it could only radiate around that area for miles. I can say that I am lucky that my class doesn’t start until 9:30 that I got to see what I did. “Starting today, we must pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off and start rebuilding America” Such a bold statement he makes. A statement that makes you feel good. Will be disappointed? Will we come out on top and believe that this is the best choice ever for this time? A question I will have to answer later, because I have to go to class now.”

Late nights call my name now just as loud as the early mornings do. And me, early mornings, unusual but so often. Im jumping back on the hoase or bike or whatever you want to say and doing what I got to do with a great support team behind me.

Being back in school is exciting at the same time, oh so boring! I hate it. I love what I am there for and why.  I try not to fall asleep with the monotone teachers and lingering lectures of information I feel I alreadu know. The racing across school so I wont be late is where I get my work outs from while dragging my 20 pound bag along.

It is exactly whar it feels like. School.  Its just better because I can do what ever I want. I like that freedom that I have when Im not home. I dont do anything stupid, I dont go crazy, but I do enjoy that small amount of freedom that is all mine.

When I am done with that mornings adventure, off to work. Concentrating on completely different life. I always feel the need to do more and better so I have that constant ON. If I am not at work, well, Im doing homework. Homework never fails. Its always there waiting for me. Even now, I know I have some that I will need to finish soon. Finish my arons that need to be done and than do more homework.

Once all is said and done, clean my house, do laundry, consider bus schedules.

Im doing good. For as nerveous as I was, Im doing better than I thought. Im on top and wanting to stay there.

I have a husband who allows me to be tired and busy. Always ready to lay down with me or give me that hug. Congradualates me when I pass a quiz or understand something hard. He’s good and Im ahppy about that.

My sister has walked where im treading and has amazing advice and offered alot to help me. She’s always available for my complaining or rejoicing. She knows and understands and is that big sis I love so much.

Not to discredit anyone else, for all the prayer Im sure I get is amazing.

Im grateful and won’t let you down.

Its now time for me to relearn to completely rely on God, that I can only rely on me. I dont need anyone. I will get the support but its me who I am dependant on. All I need is the confidence that I can.
I can.
All by myself…
I feel like life two years ago, but this time around, no failure.

so here is a small blast from the past. I found it on my moms computer and thought wow. A life so long ago that I can’t believe I was a part of. I actually dont even remember it. I actually dont remember barely anything from when I was a child other than feelings that I get when I have a dream or randomw memory from some place I had once been.

So im going to show you this, but not tell you anything other than that I will most likely never take another picture like this.

2 reasons, when I have to pee, I dont do this anymore, and I dont really this guy anymore. We’re not close enought to look like it anyways.

sometimes, i just dont know what the signs are adding up to for me and I dont know what Im suppost to do or what God is telling me. I dont get hints very well at all. I need answers written in the cloads. They need to be sent to me in a letter.

unfortunatly, God doesn’t do that

I know this guy.

Some days, he’s the sweetest guy and some days he kills me.

He is getting better at understanding me

and makes it easier to express to him.

From reading my blogs, you know that Ive been down.

It took him a while to catch on to it but as soon as he did, he took to action.

Took over in all the planning and searching.

Made decisions and consolted with me often.

Let me sleep in on days I didn’t want to do anything, let me run away to work  if I felt i needed to.

He stepped up his game

I normally try to be his backbone, be his helper

but recently he has been my reliever

ive calmed down.

Been able to deal with the other issues aproaching, less stessful ones.

like school coming up

the life that God had planned for me this year.

Ive gone to God more often

trusting that things will get better.

I can’t say that all is better completely in my heart.

however he has helped.

he suppost to anyways since hes my husband