hopeful journey

to everyone. Everyone enjoying their family, eating roast or turkey. Those who have opened a presant.

to everyone

This is the year that I have completely recognized it  for God,

however the devil has managed to make a complete mess of it and I would perfer for this day to be over. I would like it to be over and my heart not sad. I want to celebrate God and for sending His son. But Im done with the jolly and the cheer. Im done with people not likeing each other and me in the middle. Im done with tradition, Im done with lights and carsickness. Im done with my ghetto car that won’t work anymore.  Its time in my head for the new year and a new life. and apparently, now a new car.

Please, Lord, I know that you will put me through this but all I can think of wanting to do is cry alone. Exactly oppositie from what you want, but I need you to take all this crap away. Lord Please, because I dont know what to do anymore.

I want this whole stupid thing to be over.

Its waisting the holiday time and nothing seems to be coming from it other than depressing me.

I want to give up on the whole stupid issue but I keep remembering that pastor phil said.

When people normally give up, its right when God is about to work the magic.

Well, I want to give up so I need this miracle.

I have less than 10 days for it all to figure itself out.

I will not live in crap and I will not foolishly pay too much.

I know where my family is and I know where I will be spending 50% of my time.

3 different places. I cant be in all of them at the same time.

I should just move to Mexico so it doesn’t make sence to anyone because Im not pleasing anyone while Im not even pleasing myself.

This is just getting stupid.

Maybe right now I am mad, Maybe Im just feeling the holiday stress.

I got 21 days til school starts, my promotion starts soon, I cant be dealing with this when that all starts. I need to focus on that and I cant let myself mess up.

I can only turn to God cause all my other corners have their backs to me. However, I feel like Im not understanding, not hearing, not feeling what Im suppost to do.

I end up feeling depressed, all I want to do is go to work and hide from life. There I am wanted and Im going places. There I laugh and enjoy. There is starbucks and smiles. However there is not all my life and I cant just run away.

at least I do go to work in 3 hours.

so here is what I praise God for…

for the weather.

for my kitties.

for there being a christmas in the first place.

for good health in all my family.

for my grandfather.

for my car always working because of Him.

for clean laundry.

for a good job.

for paychecks.

for popcorn.

for hope.

for life today.

for Him always standing right next to me.

Thank God

This year is a very different year.

Many ups and many downs.

But it has been a good year like I had asked for last year.

This year my christmas list is simple.

When I was a little girl, I always asked for a giant teddy bear

and for my dad to come back.

As a teen, I asked for whatever was “in”

And now, my requests are a little different.

My biggest and the one I want the most is not for me.

Its for my husband, please, somehow let me get him a Play Station 3. Thats all he wants.

Somehow I need to, If I dont gat a single thing else, please let me get him that.

Next is for my sister.

You know what she needs.

I can go on with what materials I want, a coffee machine, a big mirror, some ugg like shoes.

Maybe a purse, maybe some gift cards for clothes.

I dont care really except for the first two.

Please, thats all I want.

I hope you’ll enjoy my milk and cookies, and carrots for the rest

Thanks

K

P.S. I hope I made the good list.