hopeful journey

I hope that you don’t think this is too vain. Posting a christmas list as a blog and all, but this way, it’s out there and I don’t have to think about it. 

Kathryn’s

coffee maker

twilight saga books

iPod (or just plain ol MP3)

cute purse(as if I would ask for an ugly one)lol

Joey’s

All white Kswiss (size10)

or All white Addidas

video games:(xbox 360)

modern warfare 2 call of duty

dj hero

fifa soccer 2010

Ncaa football 2010

godfather 2

the garcia’s

video camera

clothes  (via gift card)

gas card

so as I wrote this out, I tried to remember what we asked for last year and what we actually got last year. I don’t remember a lot other than it was the first time I got a gas card (from my sis) and it was so perfect. Gotta love the simplicity.

Now obviously, we dont NEED anything. I know the economy has effected everyone and have no expectations. We just love the holiday times and together this will be our forth, 2nd with a tree!!! The quality of our christmas is not determined by the stuff under it.

i get that.

just one moment.

no cleaning

no argueing

no joking

no planning

no deciding

just

be silent

listen

no one around

be grateful im not sick or homeless

.

i can if i want,

stand up and dance

*drive to the river

do bible study (which Im behind on,,, opps)

take a nap

call old friends

.

With nothing to stress over this moment,

Im free

completely and totally

free

.

my energy isn’t low but not bouncing.

.

so I think for this free moment

I will lay here and listen to my random thought and the (christmas)music in my house.

but in a couple of moments, I need to get on my bible study before tomorrows group….

K; )

I need your help.

This weird little toy is a My Pet Monster

This was Joey’s favorite toy as a kid. Handcuffs and all.

I know, weird. Or at least weird from my perspective.

He really wants one. Really really. I can find them online but I not someone to order from the internet. too many bad experience

If you have one, or seen it at Target or something, let me know. Help me out. I would love to see my mexican with this random toy.

My Pet Monster

 Every season its something different.Summer was a beach chair, a book, and small lunch down my the river for an hour or two.Right now it’s sitting in candle light with the heat of the lap top on my legs and music choice on the tvMy tv provider Wave has a set of channels of strictly music. I put it to channel 902 and surf. Eventually I end up just laying down not even on the internet, just like the heat of it.Than songs that I like/love come on and all my attention is to me singing (and sometimes dancing) to that song, than rewinding my TV and singing it another 8 or 9 times.So right now, I finished cleaning and Joeys over somewhere watching sports, candles are on, im on the internet and I cant stop singing Fallin by alicia keys.

And lord know I can’t sing it like her, but I damn sure try

I love my hair. I finally have it at a length I love. However I despratly need a trim.

I can never just do a trim so Im opening up a deal to who ever takes me seriously.

If you pay for a nice salon visit, I will do what ever you want me to do to it

EXCEPT for bald or short short.

Anything you want. Any color, and style.

Shoot your idea, I’ll post pictures if anyone takes me seriously….

I need to be here! I need to be where it is cold. I need to not be in my apartment right now.

I just might… ugh… do something… Im so upset.

I just got word that the owners will not be replacing it for another 2 – 3 weeks while I have to just sit here in the 90 degree apartment.

I just don’t think I can believe it. That someone would be willing to let someone else just sit in nasty heat. That’s what gets me mad and I probably do it to myself. If I had a car, I would go somewhere and just be. If I had money I would check into a hotel.

But this makes me think, what did people do a thousand years ago? When it got to be so hott and there was no ac. I often hear people say when their cell phone breaks, “What did people do before cell phones, I can’t function”

Just want to say that I feel when it’s coming down on me. It’s really coming down on me. Even in great things hide it for a day.

(on tuesday since I wont be home tomorrow)

So what if I put a positive spin on something I’m not to fond of, will it make it better? Let’s try… 

It’s cold outside. Maybe just to me, but it’s cold.

I don’t do cold, but I also don’t do hot. So this will be my starting point.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

Thank the Lord it’s cold outside.

The chill in the air brings about so many wonderful things.

Candles come out and burn out in days making my home smell so inviting and delicious. Blankets wrap tightly around my body keeping me warm. Holidays are always just around the corner bringing yummy food and conversations with people you don’t talk to that often.

Now I hate it when I’m cold at night but I love being able to snuggle up to my husband and warm up. I hate that minute before the shower when your exposed and freezing, but I love the hour I take in the shower after.

I would choose winter over summer any day.

In the summer, the sun forces your day to go on and sweat. In the winter, you can stay cozy all day long and be productive. You can turn your oven on and make yummy treats. My PG&E bill is less in the winter than summer.

As much as I hate the times when I’m really cold, there is no denying that its wonderful.

Now that I feel better about the cold, I just realized it not winter yet. It’s only fall. Darn….

; )K

this word I can only relate to disappointment

Expectations are what makes it’s no longer someone elses fault for hurting you. Your own fault that you are upset.

It’s random that I’m writing this now because currently, I’m not really hurt like I have been. It was sitting in a draft file of ideas to blog about and I want to get down my idea so it’s not fogged by emotion.

I used to think that everyone close to me would always hurt me. That all my life I would be set up for hurt. This idea that I’m the one hurting myself came in the middle of one of my most emotional and defenseless days. When my 100 foot high wall was down.

I had gone to see my astranged dad. He was in the hospital, possibly dying and it could possibly be the last chance I had to tell him that I forgave him for being a horrible dad and an abusive alcoholic. I used to hate him so much. I use to wish him dead every morning. Why should he be alive for making my sister’s life hell, hurting my mom, and not being there for me. It wasn’t until I understood that God still  loved him that I decided that I should forgive him. The anger came back and I forgot why I was there. I started asking why repeatedly. Why did he drink? Why didn’t he care?…..ect….Why wasn’t he the dad that I wanted him to be? That was is. I realized it. I remembered then to forgive him and did but than asked him for forgiveness. I wouldn’t hate him so much if I didn’t hold him up to expectations.

From that point, I am always think about why I hurt in situations. I ask myself if I was holding this person or issue to an expectation that wasn’t met. Sometimes, I don’t and it hurts, but sometimes I do and even though it hurts, it’s my fault and I deal with it.

I have to realize that life doesn’t always hold up to expectations and I certainly can’t hold people up to them too. It’s not fair to me or the people involved. I can lose the importance of the situation by holding it up to high.

But when I’m hurt, it’s because I didn’t realize I was doing that and so I loose.

I do understand that sometimes people let us down and it’s not my fault, like the responsibilities we each hold but won’t acknowledge or go through on.

I know that with the situation with my dad, he was a bad dad on his part and yes that hurt, but I made it hurt worst with my expectations of being a wonderful dad when he wasn’t.

So now in the future and the recent past, I can check myself first and save on the hurt. It helps

: )K