hopeful journey

Sometimes I feel like I’m on pause and everyone else is going. Like maybe Im on a treadmill and everything else has hit the ground running with out me.

Oh well I guess… right?

I do have an amazing husband who would do anything for me and a good support system.

times were changing in larens life. he was about to Move to the city and had always dreamed about it. he had an open and large mind and living in a small town just wasn’t the place for him. fashion was his passion. he loved Clothes. he used to sit in class daydreaming about his fashion line walking down the runway on gorgeous models as they walked on beat to Lady Gaga or Britney Spears. the only thing he had not yet mastered was Shoes. he now dreamed that moving to the city would bring the inspiration he needed to make a full line. 

it came time for him to pack. he didn’t have much but the kind of junk you collect while living with your parents. his main priority was to at least bring some of the small town with him so he wouldn’t miss it. laren walked into his sisters room to her Vanity. he took a seat as he scrumaged through the drawers for extra sewing neddles and other things he might be able to use while away. he came across a photo of him and her that she took with the Camra he gave her for her birthday. he saved up for months to buy it for her. Normally he would just give Giftcards but that year she was going off to college. he took the photo of them and another of his first Puppy he got when he was younger. a feeling of sadness came as he realized how much he missed her. they were best friends when they were younger and now they would be room mates. he had to grab a couple things that she had forgotten like an old yearbook and her Workout tape. he grabbed a Tootsie Roll that had been sitting there since she left and popped it in his mouth as he left her room to finish packing.

the time had come for him to kiss his mom good bye and catch his train. the only time he had been on the train was when he was going on Vacation with his mom, but this was nothing like it. as he was about to leave, he gave his mom a Jewerly Box with one piece of Jewerly in it. She broke out into tears and he immediatly rapped his arms around her for one last hug. the scent of her NYC Delicious Purfume never smelled better to him and breathed in one last breathe of it before letting go. he was already late for his train and did not want to miss it. the final whistle went off and he was 100 yards off. he grabbed up his luggage, accidentaly grabbing his mom’s Purse and running to the train. right behind him his mom followed yelling for him to stop. other patrons standing nearby started in after him as well thinking that he had stolen the purse. a large man came from the left and tackled him down. as they stood up, he was confused and his head hurt. his mom caught up to him and excused the man from her aid. she kissed her son one last time and took back her purse.

he was finally on the train. his heart racing from his sprint and tackle from moments prior. the attendant came from behind checking tickets. he reached into his pockets expecting it to be there. all he could feel was his Ipod and New Phone. the man stood impatiently waiting for him. larens heart had just about fallen through his stomach, thinking he had lost it when he found it in his back pocket. the snud face of the attendant punched the ticket and carried on passed him. he wished so much at the moment he owned a Car, he wouldn’t have had to deal with this. he had one hour to relax on the train until this entire journey would be over.

finally the train came to a stop and he could see his sister waiting for him. all he could notice was her new Tattoo. just than he realized that he hadn’t even started the journey, it was all about to start. so much was about to change.

Okay now, I know the grammer sucks…. but can you guess whats on my mind today that I was trying to say without saying it…. good luck with your guess….

lol

So it’s old news that Chris Brown beat up his ex girlfriend Rhianna…. about a month ago for the first time I heard this song and liked the beat so I didn’t change the station. All of a sudden “Chris brown should get his ass kicked”

I so agree…. I love that someone made a song about it. I know this is something that happens all over the world to many women, but i know that celebrities get away with it more so I think its good that he is being made an example of… The band that made this song is  The Jump Smokers. I have neer heard of them before but thats ok because I like the song.   I might not agree with all the words but hey more power to them for actually having the guts to voice there opinion straight out rather than hide it behind a different beat. I also just found out that they are giving their iTunes proceeds from this song to empowering women’s organizations. Pretty cool

Want to hear?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_00lyb72MfY&feature=player_embedded

We had ants…

We hate them with a passion and Joey hates eating them in his sleep even more.

So today the exterminator came and since I was out last night, this morning I had to wake up early to completely clear our all the cabnets, drawers… basically everything. I ended with 4 large piles of crap. I put the cats in the back room that doesn’t have ants and went to my neighbors. I came back an hour later to the funky smell of bug spray and my 4 large piles untouched. Checked on the cats asleep in Joeys favorite chair and decided to start in the bed room. Pretty easy… Took me twenty minutes. Than it was time for a break and lunch.

When I started again, I hit the kitchen full force, ending with my china. I had to stop and think it was cool that me, at 19, has a full set of really awesome china. Too bad I don’t see reason for me to use it more.

I continued with my closets. I started full force again but than I came to what Joey calls “My Junk”. These are the things that I couldn’t manage to part ways with when I moved out on my own. Small random things that even though I dont see everyday, would cry if I lost them. Joey has a small stash as well but its only a matter of 4 or 5 things.

So I stopped. I needed to look and reminese about everything that I came across. Its like its all new to me.

First was my  large assortment of Lui’s (MY puppy I no longer have) toys. I have one of his jackets always out in the second bedroom but seeing my childhood stuffed animals that he partially ate, his leash(the 12th one) and his tennis ball just made me very sad that he wasn’t here.

Than came all my beauty and the beast stuff… I have always loved Beauty and the Beast. Its my comfort movie, the movie I feel I somehow relate to. Over the years, some people have given me things that I loved with Belle or the beast and it makes me feel over again that they care because I know they remembered that I love this movie. Kinda lame, I know

I have a small something special that each of my sisters gave me when I was younger and I become excited again. I have always loved my sisters more than anyone in the world so when they gave me these gifts when I was younger, I thought they were amazing. Now they might not be anything other than kid junk, but I remember it anyways. I could never get rid of it.

I come across my graduation stuff. Its so funny to think that it was only 3 years ago, but it seems like it could have been ten. Ilyssa and I were almost late because we needed to have our cap and gown embroidered I.N.K. I have my Dr. Suess book for Natalie, Oh The Placed You’ll Go. I can remember crying wi Natalie as she came running down the hall late after my speech. Just so happy she even made it for me. Than my diploma. The surprise of graduating a year early, after failing horribly the first two years. It was such an amazing time for me.

The last thing was a gold necklace I got when I was 16, and all I could think was that I need to give that back some day. Once again, I never believed it belonged to me. A struggle that I put myself in and came out on top of. Originally when I got it, I thought that I won’t ever wear it because it’s gold, but now, I know that it’s not ment for me. I should return it.

The last is my first pair of pumps. I wore them so much, they’re dangerous to put on. But oh how I loved them and loved to be in them. They were the best shoes in the world to me. They started to form who I was going to become. I know youre laughing, a pair of shoes formed me. But I know that the confidence I ever gained was because of them.

Oh man, its these assortmeant of items that tear down these walls I hold up and anyone near by could expose the inside of me. It makes me realize who I truly love, even if things aren’t so great. I become solemn and quiet and no longer want to clean. I want to take a nap or cry on Joeys chest. I just don’t understand why I get like this.

Well now, I have to actually finish my spring cleaning. I will turn my CD back on and dance my way through it as normal. All the special items are put away and I no longer I have to deal with that emotion. I can go back to normal.

For as cold as it is, I sure am sweating alot.

I am the type of girl that thinks that pagents are awsome. I would love to be Miss USA . Unfotunatly, I did not watch this past Sunday night. But, as always, there is no shortage on the media of it. The media covering this years is not about the gorgeous Miss USA herself, but the first runner up, Miss California.

Daily I check he celebrity gossip website perezhilton.com, and that is where I first began to see the drama over Miss Cali and her answer to Judge #8 (perez hilton himself). Him being gay, he asked about gay marriage and if she thouht it should be legalized in all states.  She answered with her beliefs, that she thought of marriage soley between a man and a woman.

I feel 2 ways on her answer. I agree as a christian, God intended marriage only between a man and a woman and only hates the sin gay marriage creates. However, even though she was strong for standing by her belief, her answer put her 2nd and not title. She should have been more prepared for a question like that since Cali has a very large gay population and there was such large controversy over prop 8. Most answers that are normally given are more politically correct and less bias. She could have said that she believed that but also followed that each states population should make that decision based on their own beliefs.

She is not the first to be talked about so much for her answer and she wont be the last, however, only she cost herself the crown.

If I knew there was a gay man for a judge, I’d bias my answer a little bit  if I was going for a crown, but maybe thats just me.

For the  past 5 or 6 months, I take warm showers. And oh, they feel so good when its cold outside. However, When Im done, I rush to my towel, advoiding the breezing that comes in through the door and tries to attack my warm body.

But recently, it hasn’t been too cold, but now warm either.  So showers are just never at the right tempurature.

Well today is the day… I turned the AC on, went for a great bike ride with Joey and Nalick and than came home in dripping sweat to my cold house.

I got to take a cold shower, and it felt good!!!

and when I was finished, I stepped out to enjoy the freezing air swirling into my bathroom.

I loved it…. One of my favorite things about summer is just beginning

Its just a family thing…

every person always says that their baby is the most gorgeous, handsome, etc…

well… he is the cookest baby, the cutest baby, the best baby in the world….

Oh man I love matty

I’ve known Ilyssa 6 years… well at least I did….

the date on the picture isnt correct… but this is when we became friends

This is 3 years later

and than 3 years later… she stood front and center to me getting married…

I met her when I was in the 9th grade… We had the same cooking class…

we really didn’t talk until one night, I was going to wait for my then crush at the football field and she was there waiting for her ex to finish football practice. I walked up to her and  and we started talking… That is not that common in high school to do, but that was the start of a very interesting relationship.

We had the same counsolor and she told us that individually we would be great amazing people, together, we were nothing but trouble. It was true.

We ditched class everyday pretty much. Going anywhere we wanted. Most often the beach and my house.

We went to school together, church together, almost anywhere….

We’ve cried together, laughed together, messed around together, and unfortunatly fought….

There was just something about us… we fought so much.

I tried to be the best friend to her, but like any woman, there were times that I just sucked.

We both left Van Nuys, she went to OFL and I went to Taft and when that didn’t work I went to OFL…

(OFL is an independant study school in which you only go to school twice a week for a hour each time.)

If you think about it, it was not a very smart move of our parents to send us to a school in which you don’t go to school, but hey, we wern’t gonna go anyways.

We did the same thing but we got jobs instead.

Work, beach or school. It all became habbit.We did well in this school. We got good grades and started college early. There we worked hard but would party harder.

We always managed to have more fun that would seem.

Prom came around and graduation followed. It was all a relief but sad.

For my 17th birthday that year, my mom took us to Rosarito Mexico, and even though it would have been more fun, we took advantage of our times…

In our small high school lives, we had gone through alot. Too much to go on about.

Sometimes its amazing that we even were friends because we were so different.

I can’t pin piont the things in which I loved her for. She was just this interesting package and worked with me well

until we would but heads…. than we would take a break.

I used to always say that I would marry the male version of her….

Than I met him.

Once I met Joey, we both changed. We just got out of high school and were walking into a future we nothing about.

Over a year went by before we talked again. My wedding was coming up and what was a large time in my life without her. I asked her to be my maid of honor like we used to plan.

When she came around, it was like old times, but it was obvious how we changed.

Joey is alot like her in his personality but also different. I had her and her male version and it was akward for me to find a good medium. Her and Joey did get along well, but the more they got along, we didn’t.

We talked alot after the wedding but after a while, the phones calls between us stopped.

Its interesting because I can go on her myspace any day and see how shes doing but I dont see me in her life anymore.

Im not saying we won’t talk again because I believe that we will, and I also believe we’ll take another break.

But she is somewhere that Im no where near and Im somewhere she’s no where near. For 6 years our lives were on the same path and now we are on completely different ones….

I always know that a best friend that is as close as we were won’t go very far.

It’s only a matter of miles before we pass again.

and oh is it so good!!!!

This morning I invited my neighbors to church,,,,,

We came home and watched Passion of the Christ with them…..

And now next week they will come with us

= )

I live for God, not people.

We had a water fight later…. and sparked up the grill…

well wait…

we tried to,,,,

none of have ever used a small grill like that so it was interesting….

eventually we all ate and oh was it yummy…..

For dinner,  joey and I will celebrate one year of being married….

I get to bust out the china that I got and have used twice…

Oh and I tried on my wedding dress and it was big on me!!!!!!!!

Its a good day….

What a family I always seem to make….

I can lie to you.

I can say that I was going over 40 miles an hour and decided to go down a dangerous hill. I went full force with excitement for the danger ahead. All of a sudden a wild turkey came out of the left and chased me as I was going down hill. I went for a rock ahead to use as a ramp and went flying in the air, loosing the turkey and landing in gravel still going down the hill. I started to loose my balance when I rubbed up against a large rock, regaining my balance but scarring up my arm. I got down to the bottom of the hill with grace as I went for a victory lap to wait for Joey and Jenn. They came walking down the hill, because they are smart and did not want to die. Joey slipped and let go of his bike and it came down the hill, crashing into me and hurting my pelvis real bad. All the mean while, it was a gorgeous morning. Not once did we ever suspect that it would rain an hour later.

Oh how pleasant it would be to say that was true….

It was suppost to rain today, I didn’t know that, neither did Jenn or Joey. So we planned to go biking on a trail we love but havn’t ventured since last September. We loaded up our bikes in Jenn’s jeep and headed down to the American River trails. Once we got there, we were suprised how empty it was but figured it was a Tuesday and left it alone. Covered in excitement to hit the trails, we pedaled off. The water looked amazing. We knew it was cold. The water comes from snow, it should be cold right.

The first mile and a half is all flat, then you come to a large hill which none of us could bike up. You pass a cave and go uphill a little more. I normally can’t make it up the hills but I managed to do more than I thought. Jenn and Joey always seem to concour the eye of the tiger*. Than you go down hill for a mile and oh my lord is it so much fun. Its not too steep but its enough to cruise for a mile. You splash through small streams that have erroaded the trail and make your way through the horse poop and rocks that cover the trail. Than again, you start uphill. And agian, I walk. Joey and Jenn walked with me, cause they can suck too sometimes. = )

While we made it to the top again, we noticed the gorgeous clear water. It is so clear. So beautiful. But so far.

Than again, down hill. Joey trails me to make sure Im okay. I normally always have my hand on the brake. I get to nervous with the force I feel going down hill. Jenn always is a dare devil and is gone and waits patiently once the path starts to go uphill again. Its so exhilarating! I feel like Im flying. I feel like Im completely in control while not that in control of where the trail goes.

We went passed the point we normally stop and went for another 3 quarter miles before turning around. We stopped at the place we normally stop at. Its a group of rocks right next to the water. There is a very strong current there but its so pretty. We all pulled over to feel the freezing water and it felt so good and so fresh. Putting your feet it (and your face if your joey and jenn) and just relaxing a moment is so nice. There is that calming feeling the sound of water makes in that area. You are literally standing water level  next to this dangerous area of the river. You could stand a few inched from the action in the water and be kinda safe (it all depends on your balance).

No wonder we always stop here.

So we decide to head back. Lets enjoy going down the hills we just climbed. Walk up, ride down. Oh, its just so much fun. Jenn almost hit a turkey, but I dont like wild turkeys… so Im okay if she did, but she didn’t and wasn’t injured.

I want to rewind to the day before when planning all this Joey told me he didn’t want to do the trails because he felt that someone (me) would fall and hit their head. And he felt it about me. So what did I do,,,, ignore him.

Okay. We went up, and down again and were going up one last time. We started down. I knew that the very first hill was coming up and I wanted to walk it because it was too steep and all gravel. Its just not safe to bike when your are inexperienced and don’t where a helmet. The cave passed by and I thought we had another small hill and flat before that hill, but I was wrong. Joey called out from behind me, “Im just gonna take it”. His seat had broken a mile back and he was standing so it made me so nervous. But while Im thinking of him, I start down this hill.

Please understand that this is a very large hill. VERY STEEP. This is not a joke of a hill. The last time I went down, I prayed to God the entire time that I would be safe and not die. My hands were holding on so tight that my hand hurt the rest of the day.

Okay, so I am breaking with all my might, but its not working. I see a dip in which I feel will flip me if I go over it and I decided I would take the matter into my own hands. Make myself fall off before it makes me. In 3 seconds ,I plan that I will jump off my bike from the back and push my bike forward and than cover my head. I scoot back and push with all my might a moment before the dip. I misjudge my tire and get stuck in between the tire and my seat. I slide forward stuck in my bike, pass the dip and fall to my right scraping my arm but covering my head. I slide a little more down the hill screaming “Joey” as loud as I can before I came to a complete stop. 2 old men who were walking behind us ran to my aid. I tried to get up but I was trapped in my bike. I was still stuck in between the seat and tire and my left leg was caught on the pedal. They got the bike off and I stood up. I could see from where I was that Joey and Jenn made it safely down the hill but  did not hear me and were waiting for me. I did not feel any pain and was thankful that I was okay. The rest of the people the 2 old men were with came and offered to clean up the blood dripping from my arm that I had not noticed. I declined and repeatedly thanked them for helping me but I felt I was okay. I picked up my bike and started to walk down this stupid hill. I made it to the bottom, about a hundred feet away from the other 2 when I went to get back on my bike. I lifted my leg when I felt the pain in my pelvis. Oh man did it hurt. I just continued to pedal on passed when Jenn noticed the blood and Joey was quick to speed up. He was feeling so guilty that I fell. He said he felt an instinct to go back for me but he ignored it. He predicted it and I ignored him. My head was safe but my pelvis was killing me and my arm was bleeding. We made it back to the car finishing our 8 or so miles. Loaded up and decided that In and Out would be my cure.

Now. I cleaned up my arm and it doesn’t hurt but my pelvis is in some extreme pain. Im glad I fell the way I did. Its my head or my pelvis  and Im sure I made the right choice. Joey would have probably been completly right if I didn’t attempt to fall off. All is okay, and I love that I have a story. It was all so fun. The sun was out with a beautiful breeze with not a cloud in sight and as crazy as it sounds, I would do it again.

Im just gonna remember when Im coming back, the cave is my signal to stop and walk….

= )

Its raining now…. I got my story in just in time…..